The #1 trait you need in order to be successful at online dating

But before I share with you what it is … Let me tell you a story.

At the end of September 2021, I felt a horrible pain in my upper hamstring as I was finishing up my last 20 mile run before the Denver Colfax Marathon. While I had never experienced hamstring pain before, I’ve had my fair share of running injuries and figured with a bit of rest, stretching, and foam rolling, it would be fine within a day or two.

I was wrong. Very wrong.

The weeks leading up to the marathon were filled with anxiety, uncertainty, a lot of prayers, and a lot of physical therapy appointments. I was fortunately cleared to run the race and somehow ended up finishing at a time I felt proud of despite a nagging injury. 3:28:51! Boston — Here I come!

I took a week off after the race hoping that would clear up the pain, and once again, I was wrong. Very wrong.

Refusing to take anymore time off, I spent the next month filling my schedule with dry needling appointments, chiro adjustments, and deep tissue massages. After another month of relentless pain which only seemed to be getting worse, I finally decided to pull myself off the road. On December 3rd, 2021, I sentenced myself to one month of no running. For the non-runners reading this post, this might not seem like a big deal … But to a runner, not being able to run is the equivalent of clipping a bird’s wings. Sad, unnatural, and painfully demoralizing.

During my month off, I spent every morning swimming laps at the pool, I stayed disciplined with my PT exercises, and I learned everything there was to know about tendons. I prayed. I focused on strengthening every part of my body. I was compassionate towards myself when flare ups occurred. And I kept reminding myself that I was doing all the right things and that I just needed to keep going with my efforts.

Fast forward to today. It’s February 3rd, 2022 and exactly two months after I started my running hiatus. I’m still battling this injury BUT I’m proud to report that I’m on the mend and I couldn’t be happier with my progress. I’m running longer distances … I’m building up speed … And I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to run Boston as planned this spring.

So what does rehabbing a hamstring injury have to do with online dating?

Drum roll please …

PATIENCE!

For a long time, I viewed patience as a passive word. For a long time, patience felt like just waiting for something to happen. But what I’ve realized about patience is that it’s actually the exact opposite of waiting. It’s powerful. It’s actionable. It’s how we accomplish really hard things. How I define patience now is the combination of time + consistency + discipline + hope … And every part of that equation ultimately gets you to your end goal.

When it comes to online dating, you can’t just sit around and wait for someone to fall on your lap. If your end goal is a relationship, you need to be consistent with your efforts. Talk to people … Respond back … Actually go on dates instead of complaining to your friends about how everyone on the apps suck.

Maintain discipline when it comes to taking care of yourself. Work on becoming a better version of you so that you can eventually show up for someone in a better way. Read more self help books. Identify what your bad dating patterns and habits are and how you can break them. Go to the gym. Go to therapy. Go learn something new. Take such good care of your energy that someone else can’t help but notice it when you walk into a room.

Have hope. Hope is what gets us through the hard parts. The setbacks. The flare ups. The bad days. Hope is what keeps us moving forward when we just want to wave the white flag. Dating is really hard … And sometimes it can feel like nothing will ever work out. I get it. I’ve been there. Maybe you’ve been burned every time you’ve opened up to someone. Maybe it’s hard to even get matches in the first place. Maybe you’ve gone on a hundred first dates and haven’t felt a single connection with anyone. Maybe every single person you’ve ever really liked didn’t like you back. Maybe you won’t meet someone this year … But maybe you will! And that’s the beauty of hope. We don’t know what’s going to happen … Or when it’s going to happen … We just get to believe it will.

And lastly, give yourself time. Because the most rewarding things in life can’t be rushed. Finally healing from that injury and being able to run a race pain-free. Growing a baby inside of you for a really long time and finally meeting it in real life. Cutting into a perfectly ripe avocado after you’ve been staring at it for days on your kitchen counter. You get where I’m going with this …

In sum, be patient. Stop rushing the process of dating just so you can find “the one”. Take really good care of yourself so you can show up better for another person when that time comes. Be consistent with your efforts, i.e — actually go on dates … A lot of them. And have hope that things will eventually work out in your favor.

As cliche as it is, the best things in life come when you least expect it. Keep doing the work. Keep your head up. And keep your heart open.

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